I’ve finally gained traction in life…without a man in it to cause the changes.
Gordon and I are finished, forever. And that, to me, is completely fine.
If you want to treat me like the villain, I will not show you the villain. I took the high road, because that’s what was left whenever you know, he took the low one and tried to speak ill of me to others.
Anyhow, I’ve applied to Edinboro University of Pennsylvania…I’m sending in my transcripts, which should be done this week, then I’ll be able to get my shit together to go.
I can’t wait to move in here, with Tams. It’s going to be amazing.
And one of the best people in my life, well, they were back then, they are back now.
And that makes me feel wonderful. I love him, am IN love with him, and will wait for him however long I must wait.
I don’t really know what else to write here, at this very moment.
I’m gaining traction, the wheels were just spinning in the mud before…but now I’m finally getting somewhere.
"Heaven’s a Lie" by Lacuna Coil
I went to Conversation Cafe at Unity Church today in Edinboro, and it was quite an enlightening experience, and one which this song is fitting for, considering the topic of the conversation: Perfection.
This song says “Set me free, your heaven’s a lie. Set me free with your love. Set me free, yeah”.
This, to me at least, signifies that perfection is love, with acceptance of flaws. Heaven is equal to perfection, therefore saying that the misconstrued idea of “perfection” is simply a myth, and that through love and loving one another, we may all achieve perfection. This is something I wish to explore much further, but I’ve explored it so much today already, and can’t remember half of the “ah-ha!” moments or anything which lead me to this song fitting, but in the end, it all just clicks.
Spread love, children of the marketplace :)
It has been AGES since I have posted here, something of my own, something with my words, something that has my entire meaning behind it. And now, as I sit down to do so, I don’t even know where to start…
My life is going well, I will start there. I mean, it has its turmoils still, but it is getting better and better each and every day.
I have met someone new since Andrew left me. I am happy again. I’m doing so much better… whereas about three months ago I couldn’t imagine my life ever being happy again, it is. I have healed my wounds, and I’m back to being my happy self.
I have found many beliefs that I wish to follow, one of which is vodou, the other of which is Buddhism. I follow them pretty well so far, and in my sort of rebirth since the end of Andrew and I, I wish to create an altar area and I plan to get things taken care of for my entire beliefs to be able to be followed and practiced almost daily, with the exception of whenever I have plans that require me not to be at home. I have became a spiritual being, and I now believe in Shamanism and the belief that everything is in fact divine, and all comes from the holy one, not just one thing, and everyone should be loved and respected on some level as something divine, you know?
My rebirth went farther than just my belief system, though. I have became a more motivated person. I have been applying for jobs, I am cleaning the house, as well as my room, which honestly should have landed me on a hoarding show with as horrible as it has been since I was in sixth grade. I plan to take the clothes and everything I don’t want, and have a yard sale at my house. Whatever doesn’t sell at my house will go to a second yard sale at the campground I routinely stay at. Whatever doesn’t sell at that one, is going to a charity, such as Goodwill or Salvation Army.
Also, I have started a spice garden. It just started this week, but I plan to have several posts about it, maybe in a new blog.
My dreads have came out, by the way. The dread diaries will be left up, for all the tips I had on there, but the dread diaries is an ended project for now.
I also in all this span of time lost an ex girlfriend and a friend from AiP, due to the one killing the other…which, as terrible as it is what she did to Brandy, I will forgive her. I will not let the anger or not knowing her motives consume me. Not knowing why will heal me moreso than knowing would ever do to me, because I need to learn to accept that I will never know and I need to be okay with that.
I’m coming to terms with every loss that has ever happened in my life. I’m learning to accept that in every failed relationship, I did play a part and I did do my share of wrong. I’m learning to let go of the anger and resentment and regret that have ruled my life in the past.
I am learning to love myself as well. I’m looking in the mirror each day, and telling myself how strong, confident, and beautiful I am.
I’m looking for a job. I have a really good feeling I’ll end up in a great job, and I’m confident that it will be one that makes me happy where I’m at and what I’m working with, as well as being able to grow and flourish within the span of employment.
I’m finally forging my path, and I’m loving every minute of it.
Thank you, to everyone who is in my life. I love you all, and I want to make my life better, but you also have to understand…it’s not for you. Finally, for once in my life, I’m doing this, for ME. And I’m glad of that. I’m at that time in life where I’m finally getting my bearings, and things start to click…and clicking they are.
Brandy Rosine Stevens, (1992-2012); 20 years old.
She was my best friend’s sister, and she went missing 6 days ago. Her ex girlfriend gave her a bad address that lead to a church somewhere. Brandy was diabetic and didn’t have her insulin with her when she was driving to the place. She survived for six days until the day she was murdered. Brandy didn’t deserve it, she was a kind hearted person and a good friend. Everyone loved her, and Stephanie (her sister) always went to her for advice. Her ex girlfriend and her ex girlfriend’s current one committed homicide. Brandy was found in a grave like hole at a house, dead. Her sister and mother are freaking out and don’t want the murderer’s alive any longer. They were put in jail for the act of killing her. Further charges are being counted for their unnecessary kill.
Please pray for the family of this beautiful girl and reblog this. It would make me happy and everyone else as well. She will always be with us and in our prayers. You will be missed Brandy.
I used to know this girl…dated her in fact. And I knew one of the two people who so selfishly and hostilely decided to actually take this poor helpless girl’s life. It’s terrible what happened to her, and I still can’t believe because two people could be so cruel as to do this, I have essentially lost two friends of mine, for the rest of my life. And it still has me in shock, it still feels so surreal. I wish we could have rekindled our friendship, Brandy. I wish we would have kept talking once we broke up, and really both put our effort into it. I never wished ill upon you and wished you well in your life…now because I believe in reincarnation, I will wish you the best into the next life you choose to take… I miss you, Brandy. And I always will.
(Source: faeriesea, via thirdeyechakra)
Why can’t we just accept natural beauty in everyone, and accept everyone as beautiful in their own way? I know it’s corny, but it’s completely true.
Thinking about starting a blog for young and just-starting dreadlockers such as myself, showing the year long process to start and mature dreads. Sound like an idea worth doing?
(Source: bluescluesgifs, via littles-p-a-r-r-o-w)
10 beautiful ladies stand before me
but i only have nine pictures in my hands
and they're all of me